she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
