worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
