Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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