I wanna passion pit in your ass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
