You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
