just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
