If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
me + whiskey = a bad person
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
