I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
