Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
