She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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