bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
