i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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