have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
