I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
