around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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