you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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