allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
