how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize