Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize