Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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