we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
