yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
