One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
