His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
