Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
