Apparently you make a good broom.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She bit a glass in half.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
