Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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