If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
