I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
