Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
