I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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