I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
