big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
