how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and she was petting her beer can
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
