I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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