Say something about gay babies.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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