Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
