I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
