they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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