I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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