No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
