my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
