so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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