like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All the doctor said was why
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
