hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
