I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
