The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
