i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
