Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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