we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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