What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
