He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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