apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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