now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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