DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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