doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
