lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
