So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
