I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
