Having a random hookup so left but love u
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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