The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
