Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
