I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize