So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
