You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
