i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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