saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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