Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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